Tonight

This week has been crazy, but so, so rich. Everything was guided by Him, and who I am that He would allow me to watch Him at work?  Forgiveness. Healing.  I don't understand it because I am incapable of both forgiving and healing on my own.

Tonight I feel ready for something huge to happen.  This week, He told me "wait."  Don't know for what.  Wish I did.  I wonder about missions, and how He'll work that out.  When.  What it will look like.  I wonder about how long I'll be in Manassas.  If I'm here for a short term or for good.  I wonder about disappointing the people I respect at work; how they'll look at me when I tell them I'm leaving because God somehow opened a door for me to do ministry full time.  What that will look like.  The reactions.  I don't worry, but as a people-pleaser, I wonder how firm I'll get in actually following through with leaving.  Had an opportunity to tell my boss yesterday that I was passionate about student ministry and investing in lives.  She suggested maybe getting my Masters in something religious, but still making sure I can pay my bills.  I wish, sincerely, that I had told her I trust that when that door opens, He'll provide a way for the bills to get paid.  But I kept my mouth shut.

Tomorrow, I'm going to Skyline Drive again.  That's where the healing really began; He never stopped.  I can't wait to be even more face-to-face with His beauty.   

The students.  The heaviness in their lives at such a young age.  There's hope.  You are a chosen people, held by your God.  Claim His promise.  I wish ... Well.  I can't fix anything.  I can love them and point them to the Father.  The One who can fix everything.

I'm on my back porch.  I got a grill for free from one of my former co-workers.  It works.  I cooked fish and made a salad tonight.  By myself.  Learned how to broil thanks to Google and lit my orange candle.  Now the scent is whipping around everywhere from the breeze.  My backyard is entirely green.  Vibrant.  I'm listening to the birds.  Crickets.  This place is my home, my heart, where He's allowed me to softly land after a hard run. 

I wish I could describe tonight.  There's so much peace in my life right now.  I know that waiting will lead to an answer to something else.  I know that the students are my heart, and my joy is to wake up and love them to my Savior.  Because He loved me in my rebellion.  I flicked Him off and He loved me.  What the heck, what kind of crazy love is that?  And here, He's provided all my needs.  Broken my sin's curse.  Placed eternity in my heart and gives me what I need to make Him famous. 

What is this?  How did this life happen?

Knowing Him.