I don't know how you'll respond to this, but it needs to be said. It's been on my heart for a while.
We've all made mistakes, right? No one's perfect. No one's better than anyone else, so from the get-go, I'm acknowledging that this letter is coming from a heart of personal experience. I don't want you to learn these lessons the way I did, so don't think, please, for one moment, that there's judgement here, ok?
But look. Can I just say... What the hell happened to you? Don't you remember when you were on fire, ON FIRE, for theLord? Don't you remember the days when you would call me out on everything in such a loving way? Don't you know that person still exists somewhere; there's a girl with blind faith in God who knows the redeeming power of Jesus Christ in such a beautiful, innocent way so WHAT HAPPENED?! Where did you go?! Where is the boldness and the fearlessness that made people turn their heads and wonder about you?
You're so beautiful. So talented. I look at you and I see one of the smartest people I've ever met. Literally. You got the brains of the family and I'm looking forward to the day when I can call you and ask you for money because you're the responsible one who will end up taking care of all of us one day. (Don't worry, I won't totally mooch off you. Just kind of :) ) But you are so rich in talent. You paint effortlessly and see beauty and art everywhere. You have a heart for those who can't help themselves and you are tender and loving towards people who others don't seem to understand. And you're so beautiful. I remember being so jealous of you because one day, you woke up taller than me - so grown up and lovely, and that never changed. You were the one that had to grow up too fast and accept life as completely unfair at an even earlier age than I did, and I wish more than anything that I could change that. I wish I could have you here with me and tell you that life turned out well, and God's hand never moved from our lives and His plans are still becoming realities, even as we speak.
So I'm led into this: don't turn away. You know right from wrong, and you have a moral compass that is not of your own making, but from your God. Don't flick Him off. Don't look at your life and all He's brought you through and say that one little guilty pleasure is worth missing the most amazing relationship of your entire life. Your life is in such a crucial place; you're about to get everything you've ever worked for, and sweetheart, you've worked so hard. You've built so much and you're abilities to lead and positively influence others are not lost on anyone. They're there and its obvious. And your talent and your capacity to just look at problems and solve them is incredible and could it be that God gave you these amazing gifts for you to completely break down walls that ordinary, everyday human beings like me are never really going to be able to breach? You're freaking off the charts and you're about to throw it away so I'm begging you, I'm BEGGING you, please wake up and remember that your God didn't die for you to just have Him when its convenient for you and to let you pick Him back up when you're done with these favorite sins that will RUIN you. They'll destroy you if you don't turn away and give it all up to your Father.
I don't get it. You were always the one telling me not to waste my time with guys who didn't love the Lord and YOU WATCHED ME break because of those mistakes and YOU WATCHED as those relationships dragged my heart over jagged rocks and I guess I just don't understand how you could sit there with front-row seats to that horror show throughout high school and college and still think you can play with that same fire. Where did that voice of reason go? You're not safe, you can't just play with the devil and come away unscathed; his games are going to leave you broken and what I don't understand is how you watched it happen - and not just to me. To your other friends and relatives and you are still there in the middle of it all. Quit lying and hiding and pushing that sin to the backburner and dealing with it later. You're not winning this one. You're settling and you're going to be stuck and the devil is laughing his head off because he will permanently cripple whatever plans God had for you in the first place. YOU ARE LETTING HIM WIN, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!! DOESN'T THAT PISS YOU OFF?!!
Because it infuritates me. You're not the type to settle, and you, of all people, were not created to fail. But you are going to fail if you keep Jesus as your security blanket and continue your favorite little sins on the side. Because they're not little at all. They equate to the death your allowing to destroy your testimony, your walk, and your potential for Christ. Death is swallowing you whole and you freaking know it and you're letting it happen and I love you, I LOVE YOU too much for you to just sit away and pretend to not care.
I love you. I messed up too. And guess what? He redeemed me and God won. And now He's using my story to somehow bring Himself glory. He can do that for you too because NOTHING is beyond redemption. Nothing. It's never too late for you to give up and trust Him. It'll be raw and painful and really hard but it will be worth it. Oh, I promise Jesus is worth losing that familiarity and comfort zone for. Death is not worth it. You're not growing in Him. You should be, but you're not. You're dying away from Him, separated by this one comfortable sin you refuse to give up. So give up, please, I'm begging you to give up and come back and know the depth of your Savior's love and redemptive power. He gives better gifts than we could create or imagine for ourselves.
There's a man out there who will lead you to Christ and guard your heart and honor you and you won't be able to believe what it is you've been missing all this time; that God could create a man so perfect for you, so amazing that he is all the things you never even knew you needed.
Godly men exist. I promise.
I love you so, so much. I wrote a lot, but it's because you are so much more important to me than just an afterthought. This is all I've been wanting to say for a long time, and I hope I said it lovingly. Maybe I'm angry, but its only because there's deception lurking and I want to rip the blindfold off your eyes, but I can't be the one to do that. I can tell you how I ripped my own blindfold off and have never been the same, but you already know that.
You know that. I want you to live, not settle. Not die.
So all I can do is tell you my heart and that I love you and want you to know Him.
Good luck with everything this year.
