Side notes

I was just described as "105 lb-Ellen."

I am currently writing a statement from Tom to Governor McDonnell. Realizing I have a whole new appreciation for SpellCheck.

Last night, I randomly remembered that I was Ginger Spice for Halloween last year. That won't be happening this year. Need to find a good Halloween costume.

Today I got a new chair. The first chair, though it was comfortable, didn't have arms. This chair has arms, but isn't nearly as comfortable. Dave just walked in and I told him to be careful about the chair-buttons, b/c I've heard they randomly flip you around and may cause contortion. He responds with "Maybe I like punishment." Weird. If there's one thing I can't complain about back at Community Connections, it was the fact that I had a nice chair. It was comfortable, and it had arms, and I'm sure they didn't pay more than $20 for it. Too bad I was too depressed at the time to notice.

Sleepy I am.

I finished the draft statement. My boss is adamant about putting a statement through to the governor, and as seemingly unpopular or alone in this he seems to be, he's still going to do it. And I really admire that about him, seems to be an attribute of a real leader. I feel badly that no one, especially the Congressional contacts, have gotten back to him. I wonder why that is. Probably because in their supporting a statement that re-vamps the workplace, people will have to commit to spending money. And spending money is something that no one likes to do right now. It's quite unpopular, even if you're funding programs that will give you a solid Return on Investment later on down the road.

The way I see it, if Va's lacking the technical skills to push forward with a successful workforce, then the small business leaders need to step up and say "Not only will it benefit us, but it will benefit you as well. Not only will our workforce expand beyond 4-year liberal arts background that produce philosophical dummies (such as myself), but we won't have to depend so much on temp agencies. We can hire the workers here in our home state, and help the workforce develop here rather than go outside of Va to meet workforce needs." And those needs are the STEM skills. The science and technology and engineering and math skills that are always the hard classes, always the first to go once you've met those core requirements. I wish more than anything that I had a math mind, that I could look at a math problem and figure out the answer.

Unfortunately my head is filled with theories that I don't get to use right now; I'd rather replace those theories with useful skills I could learn. I can re-invent myself. There are times when I feel like I have to; I can't stay here in a scheduler position forever.

Don't Worry, Baby.

I'm trying so hard not to be snappy with people. Dad told me he had a prostate exam and might have to have surgery, as the doctors aren't sure whether or not its benign. I can't really imagine anything happening to my dad, and its not easy to just think of this as a routine procedure, like I'm trying to psyche myself into doing. There are times when I want to be home again, safe in the confines of my childhood house with my parents there the way they always have been and I don't have to worry about anything; its all taken care of. Then I wake up to this area called Northern Virginia and I realize that my parents and sisters are somewhere else and their lives don't necessarily include me anymore and I'm here in this waiting room. Waiting for something, though I don't know what it is. I'm waiting for my life to actually start happening, because right now, I feel like I don't have time for anything, to call my parents or actually roast the pumpkin seeds that remind me so much of home. I can chat with my dad in the morning and he tells me not to worry and he's going to be fine because he has my mom and my sisters and I and yet I'm so far away. My time is consumed by work and church, and I wonder what I'm letting slip as I'm grasping onto so much right now.

So Jesus, You know my heart. It's spoiled rotten and so selfish, yet You redeemed it and gave me something better: forgiveness and eternal life I don't deserve. And to say You are "Lord" means to say You own everything in my life, from my job to my house and money to my family to my relationships. And I have to believe that if You set me on Earth to bring You glory, then Lord, Your plans are the best for me. Even if those plans cause me to fear the unknown. You have the power to draw people unto Yourself, and during this time, You're drawing me closer. In having to trust You, Lord, I'm learning that it's useless to be angry with you. You own me. You own my dad and his health. So I trust You with him. God, I don't think there's ever been a daughter who loved and admired her dad as much as I love and admire mine. But You know that. God, You have sat with me and love me more than Dad could, and You've comforted me more than he ever can. So I am asking, if its Your will, that You would make him well. That this would simply be a scare and nothing else. But Lord, if its not, than just hold us all as only You can. I have no right to go to the Owner and Creator of the universe and give You my agenda in place of what You already have planned, so God, please let Your will be done and please keep my dad and family in Your hand. You are all that matters in this life, and the material things of the world are nothing compared to the grace and love flowing from Jesus' blood. Thank You for that blood. Thank You for Your works, as they're great and marvelous. God, whatever happens is of You, and Your works, from creating the universe to destroying it, are great and marvelous. That, in my humanity, is really hard to say, but with my life God, I believe it to be true. Thank You for the love and forgiveness I don't deserve. Thank You that You have plans for my life, works that are great and marvelous that bring You glory, just as the creation of the world brings You glory. Who am I? Lord, I give You my dad, and trust you. I love you my Jesus, my Savior, my Best Friend, my God.