I feel very free, like I get to be the girl in a song who heals, or rejoices or screams at the top of my lungs or falls in love. Lucky, right? Feels there's overwhelming joy coming through to me unexpectedly, like its jumping out at me from right around the corner. Startling. I can laugh in delight at this surprise and the peace that follows. The anticipation is a fire and I'm smoldering now, ready for more, needing more, craving more life like its my purpose to do so; much more than to merely exist.
I feel like its honest. If I'm bleeding, just bleed because I know I made mistakes; or acknowledge that life isn't always fair and move on. Mourn. Wear black until the sunshine makes it unbearable, but pull no punches. Have the nightmares and wake up to truth. Cling to truth desparately, like its all I have. It is all I have. Stand up for right, regardless of being alone.
Dream. And dream richly, so my soul is fulfilled and I don't need the material wealth of the world to satisfy me. Find joy in simplicity and hold onto faith, hope, and love. Submit to that higher power because I'm not going to win. Quit fighting and accept forgiveness and redemption. Then find the river and wash myself until I'm clean and live free. Heal. Hold on. Cling. Press on further in the freedom of that River and the beauty all around me in the middle of nowhere.
Be free. Be complete. Kick off my shoes and stay in the company of people who won't judge me; they all know the River just as well. Smile at them and see in their souls that they are just as grateful for the cold, clear, crisp, powerful water that dissovlved their stains. Let them take my hands and give me food and drink, and meditate on the fact that in that moment, I have everything I'll ever need and I am the richest one in the world.
And love; Sweet. Its like love is waiting out there somewhere and the more broken I become, the more magnificent the love will seem when its found. I'll be pieced back together by the Potter's hands, but in your love for Him you'll see how He healed my life and rejoice with me over such a miracle. We'll rejoice over you, as well. If love had a color, it would be white and glowing because of its purity and power. You'd steal my attention completely, love. You'd be a soft place to land and we'd be comfort to each other. We wouldn't withhold life from one another, but give it freely. We'd dream together and build together. We'd laugh outrageously at the secrets only you and I knew, and we'd be the best of friends and lovers. We'd hold hands and shyly catch each others' eye from across the room and escape together to a place wrapped in beauty. We'd swim in the ocean and find the waves and hold onto each other when the wind became too powerful and enjoy the sun on the sand during peaceful weather. Peace. Perfect. Hold onto that and don't let it go. Its a gift, just like love. We'll have it all, won't we? One day our world will be electric with love and we'll marvel at how God brought us together to this ocean; so rich and deep and powerful.
But to live is to grasp all the potential you possibly can with your human mind of what God has placed in your heart to dream. None of this even scratches the surface. I can't even imagine.
