Last minute

So its 12:32 and I can't really sleep.  I have my Bebo Norman Pandora Station (get it NOW, thank me later), and a million things running through my head.

I don't really have groceries.  Well, that's a lie.  I have Cheerios, peanut butter and Jelly, and some rice.  Maybe some extra cans of Campbells.  None of that is really super healthy.  I feel like I gained 20 lbs on vacation.  Ran today, but need to run more.  Bike more.  Do something. 

California - I'm still on California time.  I want to disappear somewhere into Santa Barbara and just learn to surf - I can become that tattooed beach bum who gets to know the tourists and sells them random junk I find on the beach for inflated prices.

I need to do more research for work.  But today was crazy, and tomorrow will be crazy, as Kiara and I are going to this DoD meeting to pitch Aurora to some folks who are trying to start a veterans clinic at Northern Virginia Community College.  Kinda thrilled that Tom trusts us to do that - on the same token, kinda terrified that he trusts us to do that.  He'll be in and out a lot this week, so I'll have time to research more.  I hope.

And then, all I thought about today was EBC.  The youth group.  The college students.  They are my heart and the joy I find in the Lord is a gift gained through serving them.  And more and more I look at my job and wonder where this will lead me in 5 years?  10 years?  Tom's already given me the Masters Degree talk, and says he sees in me a natural knack for leading and wants me to stay and grow with the company.  Humbling.  Sweet.  Seriously, I'm so honored that my boss has that reaction, but my growth there can only be attributed to Christ wanting to keep me there for now.  And I wonder more and more how He expects me to stay when all I think about are the students - their lives, their needs, and how we're all just in this together, praying for one another, keeping the accountability, bearing burdens.  I do, however, firmly beleive that God will not give me more than I can handle in order to serve Him, so for now, if this is where I am with life, than God gets the credit for A. keeping me sane enough to stay employed and B. molding me into something useful to be used by Him.

He's all that matters.

The Romania trip.  The college girls' small group.  The youth group and the move to Manassas.  Wow.  That's happening this weekend.  Noah - lesson for one of the Wednesday nights.  Praying over it, want it to be something they need to hear.

So many people on my heart tonight.  Can't sleep.  Thankful for California, but ready to be home.

This is home.  This is where pride is slashed by a God who replaces our walls with His hedge of protection.  This is where hope rises and hearts are powerfully moved and changed.  This is the edge of brokenness.  This is where you don't know what hit you and suddenly everything's a whirlwind of better plans that I never thought could've been the blueprint of my life.  This is where you think you have it all; you've got a good shot and no one can touch you and then you fall of the ladder.  The Rock is solid and mighty and you look up into the faces of people you suddenly love like brothers and sisters.  People who are broken and healed like you and there's hope.

Wow.  Praise God for the wreckage.  The unanswered prayers.  The dreams that never came true.  Praise God for a whole new beginning on His terms.  Praise God for people - all types of people who are searching for truth and genuinely desire brokenness over hypocrisy.  Praise God for truth.  Most of all, Praise God for Jesus who came to rescue us out of this pit, so we won't live this Earthly life forever.  We're free.  We're whole in the God who claims us as His children.

So tonight, its 5 til 1.  God reigns over my busy day.  My forgotten grocery list.  My last minute adjustments.  My worries and plans and inadequacies.  The students I care about are His, and their lives are in His hands.

Freedom.  Exists to sleep and dream deeply; tie all these loose ends into an unrecognizable ending that tells itself so much clearer, purer, and richer than I ever could.