You should know.

My Child,

I want you to know that I knew exactly what I was doing when I let them nail me there. I knew all the wrongs you would ever commit, and I knew what you thought you'd be able to get away with before you finally understood why I hung on a cross.

I know I could've walked away from it, and I know I didn't deserve to be treated that way. But I wanted you more. So much more than I didn't want to be in pain, I wanted you to one day look at me on this cross, dying so your sins would be forgiven by God, and know that I did not have to do this, but I wanted to.

I love you that much. I believe in the plan of your life through me THAT MUCH that I refused to get off the cross and leave you to a life bound for death. I wanted you back more than I didn't want to suffer. Don't you get that? Can't you open your eyes and see that I wouldn't have died to let you live a mediocre life, and when you go through trials of many kinds, I died so your peace and your hope could be found in a God who loves you more than I ever wanted to live without you.

Child, your tears are real and your pain is real and I know you feel worthless right now; like nothing you do will ever be good enough and that you've failed in so many ways. I know that. And I died so I could take those failures upon myself and redeem them, child, understand that I live so you, too, can LIVE. I conquered the death you deserved so I could give you something better, as my Father originally intended. I live so you can be mine and only mine, held in the palm of my hand in the storm, and I live so I can be your Rock and the strength of your heart and your portion forever, so I can protect you from being overwhelmed and overtaken by this life.

Don't you know that even if only one person out of the entire human race had turned to me and trusted the life I offer, filled with forgiveness and overwhelming, faithful love - that alone, to me, is worth dying for. I know that I satisfy you because I created you solely to be satisfied by me. I believe in you and Me together so much so that I died for us to have this relationship; for you to turn to me and follow me and die to yourself and all the desires that tricked you into misery before - I died so you could live free of those and walking close to me. Letting me guide your life closer to my Father and to the things He desires for you; all good things so His name will be praised throughout the world and you will, in turn, have Me, child. I died so you could have my life, my walk with the Father, fulfillment, satisfaction, and love.

So child, you feel these things now and you are broken because of it all. I understand the gravity of feelings, but I am truth and feelings can never be trusted. I believe in you and Me so much that I stayed on that cross and paid for your sins so we could be together forever, not separated because you "feel" like you don't deserve me. YOU ARE MINE. I rejoice over you choosing to follow me and trust me because the PLAN for your life is so much more than you could ever imagine! And you'll grow closer to Me and my Father and He'll make your life into a reflection of His glory.

A reflection, child. That requires a mirror image. Do you know how they make glass? Through tiny grains of sand. Through shambles. Shards. Dust. Nothing. I make your life into that mirror, despite your brokenness I'll make you my mirror.

When I died, I was thinking of how amazing it would be if you repented and trusted me. You did, and I'm holding you, and nothing gives me more joy than to hold my children. There's joy in heaven tonight, child, because you are mine.

I knew what I was doing.