Don't Worry, Baby.

I'm trying so hard not to be snappy with people. Dad told me he had a prostate exam and might have to have surgery, as the doctors aren't sure whether or not its benign. I can't really imagine anything happening to my dad, and its not easy to just think of this as a routine procedure, like I'm trying to psyche myself into doing. There are times when I want to be home again, safe in the confines of my childhood house with my parents there the way they always have been and I don't have to worry about anything; its all taken care of. Then I wake up to this area called Northern Virginia and I realize that my parents and sisters are somewhere else and their lives don't necessarily include me anymore and I'm here in this waiting room. Waiting for something, though I don't know what it is. I'm waiting for my life to actually start happening, because right now, I feel like I don't have time for anything, to call my parents or actually roast the pumpkin seeds that remind me so much of home. I can chat with my dad in the morning and he tells me not to worry and he's going to be fine because he has my mom and my sisters and I and yet I'm so far away. My time is consumed by work and church, and I wonder what I'm letting slip as I'm grasping onto so much right now.

So Jesus, You know my heart. It's spoiled rotten and so selfish, yet You redeemed it and gave me something better: forgiveness and eternal life I don't deserve. And to say You are "Lord" means to say You own everything in my life, from my job to my house and money to my family to my relationships. And I have to believe that if You set me on Earth to bring You glory, then Lord, Your plans are the best for me. Even if those plans cause me to fear the unknown. You have the power to draw people unto Yourself, and during this time, You're drawing me closer. In having to trust You, Lord, I'm learning that it's useless to be angry with you. You own me. You own my dad and his health. So I trust You with him. God, I don't think there's ever been a daughter who loved and admired her dad as much as I love and admire mine. But You know that. God, You have sat with me and love me more than Dad could, and You've comforted me more than he ever can. So I am asking, if its Your will, that You would make him well. That this would simply be a scare and nothing else. But Lord, if its not, than just hold us all as only You can. I have no right to go to the Owner and Creator of the universe and give You my agenda in place of what You already have planned, so God, please let Your will be done and please keep my dad and family in Your hand. You are all that matters in this life, and the material things of the world are nothing compared to the grace and love flowing from Jesus' blood. Thank You for that blood. Thank You for Your works, as they're great and marvelous. God, whatever happens is of You, and Your works, from creating the universe to destroying it, are great and marvelous. That, in my humanity, is really hard to say, but with my life God, I believe it to be true. Thank You for the love and forgiveness I don't deserve. Thank You that You have plans for my life, works that are great and marvelous that bring You glory, just as the creation of the world brings You glory. Who am I? Lord, I give You my dad, and trust you. I love you my Jesus, my Savior, my Best Friend, my God.